Role Play
by PenelopeJess
Summary: He was never there. And all he did was to do whatever he can to comfort her, even if he knew it would be the biggest mistake he'll ever make.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own them, unfortunately.

**A/N:** Biiig thanks to Inge for beta-ing this for me. Love you, chica.  
This is written based on a prompt on one of the LJ communities that I've came across. Prompt, "Role Play" is taken off the Big Damn Table of Addison!smut.

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For about a year, he had seen her like this. Tears swimming forever in her eyes before one fell unwillingly. She would laugh, swiping desperately at the lonesome droplet and blink away the rest of the moisture, only to release more tears. Then it's only a matter of moments before she would allow her voice to break and she'll start sobbing, burying her face in her hands in hope that he wouldn't see her tears. And he would bite his tongue to stop himself from cursing the husband of the woman he found himself slowly falling in love with.

He was always the one there when she needed someone. Sometimes it was his best friend who called, asking him to drop by to check on his wife when he couldn't make it home that night. Or sometimes it was Savvy who called, unable to cancel another plan with Weiss to comfort Addison in her time of need. Soon, he found himself standing outside the Shepherd's brownstone more and more often, knocking on the door with only one sentence in greeting each time she answered.

"_Derek called. He said I should check up on you." _

"_Savvy called. She thought you'd need someone so…" _

She would always laugh in embarrassment, a red glow creeping up her cheeks as though it was a crime for Addison Montgomery Shepherd to need someone. She never let herself admit it of course, and she was always so strong. He had always admired that about her, but sometimes, just sometimes, he wished he could just reach out and pull her into a hug and let her cry all over him without wondering what Derek would think if he were to walk into the house at that very moment, seeing his wife in his best friend's arms.

Slowly, he started inviting himself over, wondering at the same time why he wasn't already overwhelmed by her girl-spaz moments. Perhaps he found it intriguing, or maybe it was honorable on his part to be able to see Addison Montgomery Shepherd let her walls down and just cry.

"So, what are you doing tonight?" he would always ask first, and she would raise an eyebrow at him. He would proceed to laugh it off and scratch the back of his head oddly. "Well, if you're home with nothing to do, I thought you could use some company. Maybe we could have dinner together, you know, as a friend. I mean, if you have nothing to do because…I have nothing to do."

She would laugh, a little awkwardly, then he would start puppy-eyeing her and she would give in. Some days she would throw glances his way in the locker room until he laughed and asked her if she needed something. And she would then shake her head and start rampaging stuff in her own locker, casually asking if he were free on a certain night since her husband had once again ditched her for a surgery. Or sometimes, just five minutes before their shift ends, she would look him up and ask if he had plans for that evening, always starting the question with "I know this is rather sudden but…" And soon, it became a routine, then, a habit, and then, it was a schedule. Mark and Addison would start having dinners together during weekends when those were supposed to be the 'special' days that the Shepherds would spend together. The promise of not letting work interfere into their marriage was long broken by Derek Shepherd when he started accepting surgeries on weekends, thinking that he could make it up to his wife any other day, or that there will be no complications on the table and he could rush home in time for the home made dinner.

And then, there were the fights.

"_What was I suppose to do, Derek! Eat alone? I can no longer hang out with my friends? Is that it?" _

"_So there's 'your friends' and 'my friends' now? Do we want to argue the sides of the bed, or which pillow belongs to whom too?"_

"_I never seem to have a problem with you hanging around Savvy, Donna, Cindy or any of the girls when we were at a party! And what are you yelling at me for? Spending time with Mark because you were never around?" _

"_You're jealous." _

"_No, I'm not. Why would I be jealous?" _

"_Yes, you are." _

"_Fine, so what if I am?"_

"_If you're so jealous, Derek, then spend time with me. Make me feel like I'm still your wife, damn it!" _

And then she stopped caring, and so did Derek. And the nights of Addison Shepherd's were spent with Mark sitting on their living room couch laughing along with her at a chick flick while digging into ice cream.

Then the night came when Addison Shepherd finally acknowledged that something was wrong. Chick flicks were suddenly not funny anymore and she had that look on her face when she settled the pint of ice cream back down on the table. He inched nearer, expressing his concern. But she just shook her head and said he should go. He had insisted on staying. He wasn't going anywhere while knowing that she was on the verge of breaking down.

"Addison…" he had called out, but she looked away, shaking her head. He sighed, calling her name again, then standing up and headed towards her.

"Don't!" She recoiled, stubbornly facing away from him. "Just…go, Mark. Please."

And against his wishes, he did.

She left him a note the next day, telling him not to look her up, or come over for dinners and chick flicks anymore, and she stopped answering his calls, stopped looking him up, it's as though they'd stopped being friends. And suddenly, Mark Sloan found that extremely difficult to adjust to. On the days that he saw his best friend's name up on the OR board, he would sit at home those very nights wondering what Addison was doing, wondering if she had company, or if she's alright without any. And one day, he succumbed to the urge of needing to know and made an unannounced trip to the Shepherd's brownstone. He rang the doorbell twice, waited for two minutes before ringing it again. Then he started pounding on the front door, claiming that he knew she's in there because he checked her schedule up. Finally, there was an odd "I'm coming" and two minutes later, she was standing by the door with a big t-shirt and a pair of denim shorts. She forced a smile and welcomed him in, but he already knew she had been crying.

"Addison…"

"Make yourself at home. Do you want a drink?"

"Addison—"

"We have coffee. Or do you want something else?"

She looked up at the clock. "You want something to eat?"

He moved behind her without bothering to hang his coat by the door and wrap his arms around her. He couldn't just watch her hurt and do nothing about it. She struggled against him, but he held on tighter, pressing the side of his face into her hair, refusing to loosen his hold on her until tears came and her body shook.

"Shh…" he whispered, letting her turn around to face him as she buried her face in his chest and cried. He swayed lightly on the spot, a hand running up and down her back in attempt to soothe her. But it lasted for less than a minute before she pulled away, putting a distance between them and shook her head.

"I can't…" she cried, but allowed him to brush her tears away with his thumb. "I…I just need him to be here. I need him to see me, to want me. I need him to just…love me. Is that so hard?" she asked, looking up to him with her teary eyes in hope for an answer. All he could do was to stare back, clenching his jaw as he force the urge to curse away. His thumb brushed against her cheek again, attempting to pull her close to comfort when she shook her head again.

"No…" she insisted. "It's him I need, I..I can't."

"Close your eyes." He said, and she looked up to him in confusion. "Close your eyes. Trust me."

And she did.

"Pretend I'm him," he instructed, then cover a hand over her eyes when she was about to open them to protest against his idea. "Pretend I'm Derek." he repeated, but she shook her head.

"But—"

"Shh…" He pressed a finger against her lips, and once again, in a lower tone, he whispered the words. "Pretend I'm him."

Then slowly, he pulled her close, almost surprised when she didn't pull back. She nestled against his chest as he rubbed her back slowly, trying not to wince as she whispered her husband's name under her breathe. Then her hands snaked around his waist, and with eyes still closed, she tilted her head up. He looked on, at a loss of what to do for a moment before he leaned forward, pressing his lips against hers. She responded hungrily, her tongue working to part his lips as she pressed on. He ached for more, and instead of doing the right thing and push her away with the knowledge that it could lead to something else, he kissed back, allowing his hands to pull her body closer. She reached up and tore the jacket off his shoulders before back-stepping, pulling him along with their lips still locked hungrily.

"Addison…" he breathed out between kisses.

"…Derek." she panted, pulling her shirt off as they entered the darkened bedroom. She opened her eyes, staring into his blankly. It wasn't his name that she called out but he didn't care. He undid his belt as she pushed down her shorts, and the next moment they were tangled up in the sheets, hands in each other's hair with her muttering a name that didn't belong to him.

The next time that he heard her breathe out his name was the moment right after the bedroom door swung open, allowing light from the corridor to seep through. And he turned, catching the eye of his best friend. For that very one time, Mark couldn't read him. There was a mix of emotions; anger, disappointment, hurt, betrayal and everything else in his eyes. Then without a word, he turned his back against them and left.

And they froze on the spot, one on top of another, just staring blankly at the space that Derek was standing on. Then moments later, the front door was slammed shut and she buried her face into the pillow and cried.

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**A/N:** You know, I love reviews... But then again, who doesn't? So just you know, reviews make me very happy. :D


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